


looking for you (in me)

by duaa



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo 2 [13]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fae, Animal Attack, Fae & Fairies, Fae Janus, Happy Ending, M/M, Remus loves his Mommy, Supernatural AU - Freeform, fae, ig, just a bit, not a lot, remus can be a bit feral as a treat, some violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:48:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24535657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duaa/pseuds/duaa
Summary: It has always been easy to find a fae.Except Remus has been trying to foryearsand he hasn't seen a single one.
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo 2 [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1748965
Comments: 3
Kudos: 82
Collections: Bad Things Happen Bingo





	looking for you (in me)

It was easy enough to find fae. You simply breathe near their circles, and the echoey sound of laughter rings through you. It was, however, difficult, to find their rings. Which was a good thing - it meant that people had less chances to stumble upon those rings and lose themselves to those fae. If you step inside a ring, and stay inside, the fae can do anything to you, it was just as well as giving them your name. The rings that were found would be avoided at all costs, panicked screeching ruining the fae's musical laugh. There were, however, some fae who didn't laugh. They mourned, soft wails that pierced through people's skulls and fractured their brains. They mourned, whether a loss of a loved one, or simple an abject defeat - they mourned and no one was spared from their wrath. Sometimes, when fae mourned, their rings grew. Expanding, pulsating, they grew and merged and trapped villages and towns whole, destroying mankind with a single cry. Which is why it was easier to never bother the fae. If one of your own traipsed into a ring, forget them. Don't go seeking revenge - which seemed extremely foolish _now_ , but was an actual concern back in the 'day'. 

In 1625 in Herkshire, one particular Romulus Duke's sister had ventured into a ring. She was never seen again - and Sanders would have left it there. Except the fae didn't want to leave it at all. The fae showed up in shadows, clutching his poor sister's soul in his hands like a doll, shaking it about and taunting. Romulus loved his sister. The fae had taken her. So, Romulus did what he considered fair. He took the fae. He took the fae through means unknown, through means too vile and cruel to be recounted. He snapped the fae's arms and legs, cracked every single rib in his body, bones jutting out of the his fragile skin. He cut off his golden locks and burned them, burned his clothes and tied him to a pole. 

In 1626, Herkshire had disappeared from maps. Empty houses. Travellers who sought refuge went in, and never came back. Empty shops. Thieves went in and never came back. The sound of soft cries echoed through the empty streets, prodding and poking and stinging. No one from Herkshire survived - except one Mrs Duke. She gave birth to a baby boy, far away from Herkshire. When she heard what her husband had done, she packed up her bags and ran away with her son, farther, farther away from the place her foolish husband had died in. Once her son, Romulus Jr., had been married and didn't need her anymore, she left him. She came back to what Herkshire had once been, now a ghost town and stepped in the fairy ring. 

The tale of Herkshire had been spread all across the world, and from that day on, if someone was taken, they were forgotten.

* * * 

Fae were immortal - no such thing as 'old age'. No diseases. They could only be killed (but legends said that it was better not to). Which meant they had all of eternity. All of eternity to fall in love, to hold grudges, to plot wars. The fae have done almost all of those aforementioned things (no wars have been plotted). Holding grudges came easily to them, and love was just another human emotion redefined for them. Although not common, it was a surprise when a fae had fallen in love with a human. She did, and went to marry him. He didn't know that she wasn't human, tricked into glamours no man could resist. She bore their child - again, not common. Their child went on to be half human, half fae. Immortal. He didn't have their lilting voice or their sultry eyes. He had no power over names, and no one had power over his. He could go into the realm of the Others, but couldn't live there.

Now, the tricky part is understanding how fae dynamics work. It's actually quite easy: there are no questions. Things are presented to us, as facts, and no questions can be asked. What's the point of asking questions when the answers can never be found out or understood. That half fae's son was also half fae. He shouldn't be. His dad simply shrugged his shoulders. 

That bloodline was now forever going to be half fae. Even if one of them bore a fae's child, that child would still be half fae. 

Again, no questions. Only facts.

And so it continued, the Duke bloodline, from Herkshire to Wondarwich. From Grenalde to Koyorkton. From there to here. 

To Talfekton. The last descendant, the last Duke left. Most of the Duke's killed themselves, the pain of being the last one, the only one standing when their loved ones left was too much to bear. Remus Duke was 16 years old. Only 16. In the eyes of the fae, he may as well as have been in the womb. His mother (a Duke) conceived him out of wedlock, and ran away with him to Talfekton. In Talfekton, he spent most of his time searching for faery rings. His mother cried with relief every time he came back, eyes shining with hurt. He hated seeing her like this. He hated it, but she never stopped him. She never told him to stop going. 

He wasn't sure why, and he told her, he'd stop if she wanted. She only shook her head, tears flowing down her cheeks as she pulled him tight. As he grew older, he stopped going as frequently. His mother was the only person who liked him. Who laughed at his ideas, who frowned and chided him gently when it got too self-destructive. He didn't want to lose her. He couldn't. And so he stayed at home more often, bouncing off the walls until she told him to be back by dinner and he was off, sprinting through the cobblestone paths, ducking and scrambling under trees, ears straining to hear that tinkling laugh. He knew that there had to be a fae ring. He just wanted to find one, he knew it was there. He just wanted to get in contact with one fae. Just one, particular fae. His mother always told him about her friend. She called her Red. Remus liked that. Red had promised her mother a lot of things. Promises that Red meant to keep, except Remus' mother left that town years ago. Remus didn't have a concrete plan - right now step one was just finding a circle. Maybe the fae had a phonebook? He didn't know or care, step one had to be completed before step two was born. 

Maybe it also had something to do about Red's own child. Maybe it was because Red and his mother had planned raising their children together. Maybe Remus was kinda sorta almost excited to meet someone like him. 

The kids in his town took one look at him, his crazed eyes and unruly hair and bony frame, and ran the other way. His mother consoled him, running her fingers through his hands, 'Remus, my darling, you're just a lot more fae than them, and that's what make you different, special, okay?', so he decided to take things one step further. He sharpened his canines to look more... fang-y and his mother just laughed, telling him he looked adorable. He bleached one streak of his hair and dyed it grey, and she said he was ageing faster than she thought he would. He carried a knife everywhere and she made him cut herbs from their garden with it. 

He loved his mother a lot. Maybe too much. He sometimes thought of his great grand someone forefather grandpa uncle _guy_ , Romulus, and how he loved his sister. He loved his sister a lot and the fae took her and he killed one. 

Remus could see himself doing that. He see himself doing that - but better. 

Messier and more painful. 

"Aw, darling, that was just a human, the fae are our friends!"

"Doesn't matter, mom, I'll still kill them all."

"What if they're my friends?"

"Well obviously I wouldn't kill them! Would Ms. Red do something like that?"

"Not if she knew you would wreak havoc like this!" Maybe it was a good thing he loved her too much.

* * * 

In hindsight, maybe Remus should have seen where he was going. Maybe he shouldn't have blundered straight into a bear, but that was easy to say looking back at it. Sure, he should have noticed the growling and the howling and the _mother fucking bear_ , but he didn't. And that was okay, it was alright, he just made a mistake and he was half human, so he was allowed some mistakes. Of course, he would have liked this revelation, these comforting words that somehow found their way into his brain a lot more _if_ he wasn't bleeding out in a forest. Sure, he had some time till dinner, so he could rest and lose all the extra blood ad then hopefully return home. Mushroom stew was a great reason to return home as fast as possible. He knew that his mother always made food he loved every time he went looking for a ring because she knew that he would always remember. It was hard to stay amongst faeries when he could be at home eating a chicken roll. Or a spinach bun.

He was 100% sure it would work even if he ate some fancy fae food that hypnotised him. 

Was that why he couldn't feel the wound in his leg? Mushroom stew temptation? He was sure that it had nothing to do with a bear lying near him with his knife stuck in it. 

It was all his beautiful mother's delightful mushroom stew. Why was he thinking of the stew so much? Shouldn't he be crying in pain? He snorted - oh wait, he was doing that, too. Maybe he should at the very least try to get to his beautiful mother and her delightful stew. He pushed himself up on his elbows, wincing as he saw his shirt was torn to shred. No! Why?! He shifted on the ground, trying to lean on the tree nearby, needles from the ground digging into his skin through his clothes. He grasps the tree, and his head pounds. There's something else happening, but he's too focused on getting up. Slowly pulling himself up, wounded leg stretched out, dark blood dripping down his trousers. The mud underneath is a murky, darker brown, and he idly wonders if more bears would be attracted to the scent, emerging to devour what was left of Remus. He winces as he sees that there's something in his gaping wound, ew, his mother hates that. So he leans forward, wiping his fingers on the inside of his shirt before trying to pluck that _thing_ out. He yelps as it pulls out with a wet 'sploch'. He wipes his hands on his pants, before hopping on one leg to the bear. He pulls out his knife, slick with blood that already dried on the hilt. His head spins, the blood he lost looks a tiny little puddle, he has a lot more, his head should not be spinning. This is not fair. 

He contemplates his options. Either he goes home now, his mother doesn't finish the stew and instead toils over him and his injuries - or he could go home later, after she finishes dinner and is well rested. He likes the second option a lot more, but he can see that the blood is still flowing, thick rivulets colouring his skin and trousers. If he goes home late with an infection, that's more days wasted - yeah, he should get going now. He hops again, one hand hooked around his thigh, holding it up. He stumbles, arms flailing as he manages to stab his knife deep into a tree, stabilising himself. He leans against it heavily, leaves raining down on him. One gets stuck in his gash. He quickly flicks it away, what if he watered a tree with blood? Blood tree. He should tell his mother about that, she would know if it could be done or not. He could get blood from a slaughterhouse. 

"Well - what happened to you?!" He flinches as someone speaks at his shoulder, turning his head to see the owner of the voice. He's met with golden eyes, wide and questioning. 

"Hi!" Sure, he can be vulgar, but he's not rude. His mom taught him better than that. 

"Oh my God, did you fight a bear?!" The boy gestures at the dead bear lying around. Remus tries to move away so he can see the guy more clearly, but nods nonetheless. "Here, wait." 

"Actually, I really have to get going, AH!" Cold hands press against his _open_ wound and he tries to bat them away one handedly, failing miserably. The stranger is crouched by him, sleeves of his black dress shirt pulled up, yellow gloves resting on his thigh. Fancy. What was not fancy was that he was touching Remus' gash. Bare handed. The hands were stinging now, icy numbness running up his leg. It's nice, and he realises that he was feeling a lot more pain than he thought he was. "Um, thanks?" 

Wait a minute. He looked at the bowler hat on the strangers head. Concealing his ears. Was this a fae? Holy shit! "Are you a fae?" Ohmygodohmygod 

"Yes. You are near my circle." 

"OH MY GOD!" He lets out a whoop. "YES, I KNEW THAT I COULD FIND YOU!" 

"What, me in particular?" 

"YES, YOU!"

* * * 

Remus went home that day with no signs of an injury, a cheek stinging from a slap from fae! His mother didn't cry this time, watery eyes focusing on the red outline of a hand on his cheek. He recounted the events - leaving out the gaping hole in his leg, switching it out for a few claw marks to explain his shirt - and she glowed, beaming with laughter. He told her about the power of the stew and she laughed like she knew, which he was sure she did. He woke up before dawn that day, and skipped into the forest, winding down the path until he reached the same place. He strained his ears for a - there it was. He looked around, trying to find the fae. He could barely contain his glee when he caught a fleeting glimpse of a black cape with yellow details, flowers held tight in his hand.

"Mr. Fae? Hello!" He saw the fae emerge from the trees, rolling his eyes. 

"Mr. Fae was my father. Please, call me Dee."

"Okay, Dee, I wanted to thank you for helping me yesterday!" He held out the daffodils. 

"Uh... um, thank you?" He gingerly took the flowers and Remus smiled at him, this was a nice fae. He liked Dee. "What are you doing here?"

"I have no clue! I completed step one of my plan -"

"Which is?"

"I have to find my mother's friend."

Dee raised an eyebrow, a motion so practised Remus knew he did that in front of a mirror. Or maybe not, fae were supposed to perfect or something. "And step one of that was finding a fae?"

"Yep!" 

"Why would a fae help you?" Now this part Remus had actually planned. Kudos to him! He puffed up his bony chest, shoulders pushed back. 

"I have a great bargain for you!" Dee examined his gloves. 

"And what, pray tell, is it?" 

"I will give you my name if you help me locate that particular friend. And get that friend here, near the outskirts of this forest near my house." 

"Your name?" 

"Uh huh." He could tell that Dee was interested - who wouldn't be? No one came into this forest anymore. His mother used to go in to try and forage something, but he stopped her before she could even breath in that direction. 

"What's stopping us from just luring you into a circle?" 

"I'd like to see you try!" Cocky, sure, but he wasn't about beg and grovel. 

"Hm. Okay, so I'm supposed to find your mother's friend." 

"And get that friend here, near the out-"

"Yes, yes, what you said."

"Um, no trickery permitted." 

Dee laughed, soft and lilting. Remus stared at him, unabashed. "Do you know what Dee stands for?"

"Dick." Dee laughed again, more harsh this time. 

"Deceit."

"Well, Deceit, if you trick me, I won't give you my name! I don't think its a lot to ask, you know, just find one single person." Dee ran his finger over the brim of his hat, eyes flicking from Remus to the flowers in his hand. 

"Okay. I accept your conditions." Hook, bait, slinker, line, rod. Catch. Tuna sandwich. He did it! 

"Alright!"

* * * 

"Aw, honey, I'm so proud of you!" She twisted her fingers in his hair gently, smoothening out any tangles. "That was good."

"Thanks, mom!" He grinned at her, upside down with his head on her lap. Dee said he would let him know by the end of the month, the full moon. "Can I take some more flowers tomorrow?" 

"Of course you can, honey." She smiled at him, soft and he couldn't help but smile back.

"Oh, I almost forgot! What if I instead of watering a plant, I watered it with blood. I bloodered it?" She laughed at that, head thrown back and it was more musical than Dee's laugh.

* * * 

The month was over and Dee had received daffodils, roses, tulips, dandelions and marijuana on one occasion. He laughed at the marijuana so much, Remus could hear him laughing as he stalked back to his circle. Today was a lotus he found, and maybe he was dripping wet because of it, but it's okay. He waited and waited and waited. Then he called and called and called. And shouted some too. The sun was setting, so he left the lotus by their usual spot, drawing a sad face in the mud. When he went back home, shivering, his mom only sighed in relief of his arrival, and enveloped him in a tight hug. She didn't ask, but he told her anyways.

"He could be tired from the revel, honey. Go again tomorrow, and see if your friend comes."

"He's not my friend."

"I think he is. Didn't you two plan a road trip? And what about that prank you both were planning for one of his fae friends?" 

"Right, but he thinks he'll have my name then." She looked at him, searching his face for sadness only she could see. 

"It's okay, Remus." And it felt okay. 

The next day, he went in empty handed. The lotus was gone and he desperately hoped Dee took it. He leaned against the tree when he saw a swaying figure stumble through the trees, humming something that reminded Remus of laying in a pond and digging his fingers in wet mud. 

"Hey, hey, human! My human, you have the sincerest of apologies from me!" Something was... different. 

"Are you drunk?"

"Of course! Who doesn't drink at a revel, human, don't you drink at revels?" 

"Woah there, easy." Dee stumbled, and Remus plucked off his hat from the ground.

"Listen, I'm so sorry, I didn't come yesterday. And you got me a lotus. I took it home, you know. It's so nice. You're so nice." He rambled on, waving his hat around. "Also, also, I found your mom's friend. You'll hate her son."

"What?! Why?" 

"Because he's disgusting. You hear me, disgusting, human. And you are so nice. He is not. He lies and lies and lies and plans stupid things and he sucks." Just as quick as he came, he was gone, stumbling away. Remus just stood there, letting the words sink in. Well, at least his mother would have her friend again! He raced back to his house, usually he would stop to smile at the sun, but this time... he just looked at it and continued on. His mother vehemently denied any allegations, claiming that this 'Janus' would be very nice, running her hands through his hair as she held him close. He was going to wait until the evening to go, and hopefully Dee won't be drunk anymore. 

What did fae even drink to get drunk? His mom didn't know.

* * * 

Dee was sitting on a tree stump when Remus burst into their spot, clutching daffodils in his hand. Dee looked up, and Remus realised how much he was going to miss him, how much he would miss the way Dee smiled and laughed, the way he was always surrounded by snakes, twisting up his legs. He would miss how he always wore the same thing, always looked so pretty holding whichever yellow flower Remus got him. He would miss his golden eyes and the way he always listened to Remus.

"Hey, Dee." 

"Hello." He looked at the flowers, smiling at them wistfully. 

"So, where's Ms. Red?" 

"She's at your house right now. I promise." 

He really shouldn't just believe him. But he did. "Okay. Ready for my name?" 

Dee nodded and Remus hesitated, he was either going to die, or lose his best friend. "Well, I give you my name. Remus Duke." He watched closely as Dee's nose scrunched up. He licked his lips. 

"Um, did you say, Duke? Wait. Remus Duke. Remus Duke. I... you're not a human." 

"Half fae." He looked up at Remus, eyes wide as he lunged at him, arms wrapping around his neck. Huh, Remus did not expect that. He squeezed Dee's waist, pulling back slightly. "Shouldn't you be upset right now?" 

"How could I be upset?! This is the best thing that's ever happened to me!" This was also the best thing that ever happened to Remus. "I - you, I can't have your name! And you knew that!"

"Yeah, I did." Dee grinned at him, face close as he splayed his hands on Remus' back. Remus was good at many things. He was good at coming home before dinner, making nefarious plans and asking disgusting questions. He was good at fishing and hunting and using his knife. He was good at creating things and telling stories. He wasn't good at hiding his impulses, choosing to do whatever came to his mind. And so he did. He leaned in and kissed his best friend and he kissed him back.

* * * 

One day, in Talfekton, two people were declared missing. A single mother, raising her deranged son at the outskirts of town, disappeared. Their houses were empty, and both mother and son were gone. No one found out that they were gone, only realising they heard a loud, booming laugh echo from deep in the forest. A faerie ring, glowing with yellow light. Sometimes, people suspected that those fae roamed the town, giggling as they ransacked shops and stole bread. The people of the city did nothing, pretending not to notice. Mr. Dandworth's car went missing one day, but returned after three weeks, mud splattered everywhere and the scent of berries and honey in the car. He burned the car. One time, a young boy Thomas claimed to have heard someone shrieking 'Janus, I'll make you pay!' in the forest near the newfound faerie ring. Thomas was given sleeping medication and was well cared for, as everyone was certain that Thomas just escaped from the deathly grasp of fae. He was taught to always thank the forest for protecting him. He blew a raspberry in the direction of the forest, smiling at the muffled laughter he heard. Sal from Sal's Diner lodged a complaint about someone paying the bills in golden coins. When asked to identify the women, he realised that those were indeed fae and fae currency. Sal was then elected Mayor, having pleased the fae who dined in his diner. He buried the coins by the forest, hands trembling.

It was easy enough to find a fae, bargain, fall in love and then figure out that the person you had been looking for had always been there.

**Author's Note:**

> wondering why janus slapped remus? why are you wondering that i think we can all agree that remus is very capable of saying some bs, getting hit and not giving a fuck ;) 
> 
> lmk if you see a typo!  
> hope you like it ❤️💕


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